I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
