The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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