I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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