Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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