when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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