Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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