i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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