it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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