I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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