Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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