dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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