does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
