did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
