So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
