No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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