I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
