I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
