Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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