You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
