I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
