before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
