Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
MIDGETS
????
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
