I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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