I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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