xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
