piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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