Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
