My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
