It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
