she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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