is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
