onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
