my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
