does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Someone shit on the floor
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
