I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
