There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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