weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
