you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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