im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
