I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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