Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
