I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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