Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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