Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.