first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
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I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you