I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
this must be what syphilis tastes like
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.