I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says