As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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