i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
