His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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