i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
