He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
