3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
