Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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