Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
