Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
