I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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