Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
