it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
