what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
