I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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