That's when you crack a 10am beer
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
