Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
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Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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