he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
