who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
