we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
