He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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