My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
