Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I didn't notice because vodka
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
