Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
