I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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