Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He felt like a one man threesome
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
