you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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