I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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