It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
