You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
